The Battle of the Sexes! – By Joseph Ghabi

by: Joseph Ghabi

During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I realised an important factor that a couple in any relationship might experience. The same issue reached my conclusion whilst talking with the people I’ve dealt with during in some of my private consultations. What am I talking about? I guess it is about time to state my intention! We sometimes move from relationship one to another, asking ourselves why we keep attracting experiences with similar characteristics to those we have experienced previously. A male projects his masculine vibration and brings qualities of independence, self-confidence, assurance, security, Ego and pride (negative side and not the best quality!), into the relationship. A female projects a warmer side to that of the male bringing intuition, love, firstly, towards herself before sharing that with her partner, sensation, and her sexuality. Always we find a lack of self-confidence and trust existing in many women (a negative side that should be worked upon). Those are typical characteristics that both sexes should portray to an extent in their relationship identifying their individual sexuality. And always keep in mind, no-one is perfect! In order for a male to grow in a more desirable way being balance and in harmony, he should open up his female side, though in such a way as not to allow it to take place of his role in being a man, but in order to open up his intuition and encourage the balance between his male and female vibrations. A female, on the contrary, should open up her male side in order to build up her self-confidence and trust in herself. Thus, bringing her the quality of leadership and balancing both sides of her vibration. In today’s world, a woman’s place is shifting from that of being a housewife into being at the top in the corporate world. That is a positive change and it is about time too! However, not at the expense of allowing her male vibration to take place over her female vibration. Think about it! During the 1900’s we had a hundred years governed by a male vibration where men were in control ({19} 00 = 19 = 10 = 1). Since the year 2000 the vibration is changing into that of a female vibration which will be in effect for the next hundred years ({20} 00 = 20 = 2). The 1 is a male vibration and 2 is a female vibration. A change of attitude in the way we consider a woman being in top job positions did start to take place over approximately twenty years ago. This begun when the energies started to shift. The new century brought preparation for the new female vibration. So my point is that women should not be or acting as if they are male in order to prove a point. It is far more appropriate for women to simply be themselves and they will be fine with that whilst the universal energies are in their favour. Another contributing factor which many women are likely to have encountered upon in their lives is where negative experiences or relationships as an adult or a young woman in her past encourage them develop a strong male vibration into their energy. The woman may not even be aware of this fact, but it is a natural instinct in order to help her survive the difficult experiences in her life. Bringing this male as a means of survival is acceptable, however, it is critical that women learn where to draw the limit and realise the consequences of having too much male energy is likely to bring. In both cases, it is not helpful for either sex to have a male vibration to over power the female side when you are supposed to be a woman. As is the case for any male, it is not appropriate to have the female vibration overpowering his masculine side. The most important key to learn and understand is balance! Now let’s imagine ourselves in a situation where even if the man in your relationship is not sensitive towards detecting energies around him, but un-consciously he will be able to detect that male vibration in his partner. That in any case will bring a power struggle on its own behalf. In homosexual relationships, it is common to see one of the partners playing role of the male or the female. That is, by all means okay. However, when we are in a heterosexual relationship and being well defined opposites then it is likely to become an indirect problem that many of us who are involved in a relationship are not able to detect any imbalance of energies between the male and the female. Thus, allowing it to grow until it can eventually hurt the relationship. As I did mention previously, the importance lies in maintaining a balance. I would like to mention the importance for a woman to really build her male side in order to build her self confidence, self trust and the gutsy feeling that will enable her to bring the drive she needs to move and do what she wants to do in this lifetime. Though, not as a means of becoming an equally assertive male in the relationship! I do not believe for a moment that women are born in this lifetime in order to have babies and sit at home as housewives! Though some women do accept this and enjoy this lifestyle, they do have responsibility in bringing handling the necessary experiences in order to promote their growth at a soul level. The amount of growth a soul will achieve can also be determined under what society, culture and religion the woman is born into. In reality in many relationships today, many men are abusing their power by taping into their partner weaknesses where there is a lack of self-confidence and trust in the woman to achieve what they want in their own reality. This case stands true for many females who might also be abusing the male in the relationship and this cannot be disregarded in any case. Relationships with characteristics such as these will drive the relationship into a dead end zone where that relationship is, of course, doomed to fail. The reason being, the time will come to say enough is enough when nothing is moving or changing in that relationship. Being in love with someone is one thing but becoming a doormat is something else. I believe many of you will be able to identify with what I am taking about. Now let’s be honest and see if we can identify if your male or female side is strong in you. Please remember, this does not imply that every woman and man will have this problem. If you are still reading this far in the article you might ask yourself the question how do we go about identifying if this is a problem for us? The most difficult part is admitting and accepting the foundation of the problem, but after this how do we handle it? First let’s start in identifying the problem. In some women, it is obvious through her walk, her way of talking, her attitude and ego. Sometimes these traits are not so obvious and in this case she needs to go deeper, looking into her attitude in certain cases, her sexual preferences (are they male preferences?), and her ways in handling her day to day activities in general. Please do not depend on your boyfriend or husband to identify the problem. They might not be aware of it but in any case it does not hurt to get their honest opinion. Only balanced men with female energy can easily identify the problem. It can be really obvious for them to detect sometimes. If we discover that we have this problem, one of the most important factors is in acceptance of it and not to allow your ego and sense of pride to drive you into ignoring the reality of the situation. We are talking here in terms of a male ego and pride and it might be tough to let go of. You must identify the reason of why you are doing this exercise in the first place. One important factor is that you are doing it purely for yourself. No blame should be directed in any way or form towards anyone who is involved, including yourself! Rather, you should spend your time and energy in trying to trace back to where the problem originated. This exercise should not take forever to implement. It is not a life process to deal with our problems or issues as long as we have a true will to do so. Understanding a problem or a situation is basically one way of looking to our problems. So in your own time and regardless of your age, just go back in time and recall certain experiences where you had an involvement with a male figure. This can be your father, an uncle, a cousin, a boyfriend, or a husband. In some cases these situations it can trace as far back to an age as young as five years old. Write down in your diary the whole event in order for you to empty it from your sub-conscious and then go further in time to any relationship where you were involved with the opposite sex. Try to figure out what went wrong in the situation. Eventually you should be able to determine the common dominator in all of the different experiences and any pattern that is evidently repeating itself in the same time. When you do identify the problem the next step is now to deprogrammed all things that you have build up in your mind about how things should be. For example, your reactions to specific situations, people and your emotions and feelings in accordance to these reactions. All of the points that I have explained can come as a result from the problem situation in the first place. It is also very important to forgive yourself and the person involved in the situation. Take a look back at what you wrote six months later and you will see the difference in yourself after your effort toward bringing the changes you made during that time. It might seem too simple to you. Well, it is, but it does work. I would like to say also that I have NO problems with homosexual relationships as I do respect them as a matter of personal choice, preference and free will. My article brings discussion of the issues stated from a heterosexual male’s point of view, of whom, is in relationship with a woman. In the end, do we realize that a man is only required to enhance his female by bringing the female intuition into his side? For a woman she needs to bring a male vibration into her environment which will bring her self-confidence and trust in herself. It is all about balance and has nothing else to it, so, let’s not complicate matters here, it really is pretty simple! I would like to add at this point that this article is directed mainly toward women who are experiencing predominantly male characteristics as oppose to a male being over feminine. I believe I have no place to be discussing the latter as being a male myself! I can not experience the other end of the equation in sensing a male with a strong female. That issue will be for a woman to discuss in terms of a heterosexual relationship experience. Copyright © Joseph Ghabi http://www.freespiritcentre.info About the Author: Joseph Ghabi is an author, lecturer, and healer. Joseph provides Intuitive Numerology Consultation, Healing Childhood Experiences Consultation and PhD Candidate living in Montreal Canada. At the age of eight Joseph discovered his clairvoyance. Joseph is natural medium. Joseph started the ‘Free Spirit Centre’ website at http://www.freespiritcentre.info. A community centre devoted to personal growth, self help, soul growth, eating disorders, relationships, healing and human issues. You can find over 750 articles on the site.

What Flowers for Your Girlfriend this Christmas?

by: Natalie Aranda

A girl loves flowers regardless of how many times she has received them. Flowers show how fresh and precious your love is. Flowers remind her how beautiful and elegant she is. Love shines and flourishes like flowers throughout the year when you give flowers to your girlfriend on different occasions with meanings and thoughts. Honeysuckle is a good birthday gift to symbolizes happiness. Red roses are the best flowers for Valentine's Day. The relationship you have with your girlfriend may affect the color of roses you buy. Carnations in red show passion and pink tells your girlfriend that she is always on your mind. Gerber daisies and wildflowers are both great selections for a new relationship because they are beautiful and bright. Red roses are usually reserved for longer relationships where the couple is passionately in love. Pink roses are appropriate for a newer relationship. Any other color of rose is appropriate as well, especially if your girlfriend is passionate about a certain color. Christmas is always a hectic time and finding the perfect Christmas gifts for your girlfriend can seem overwhelming in a sea of shopping malls. However, a thoughtful gift that will be appreciated is flowers. The best flowers to give at Christmas time are orchids, holly, poinsettias, and the Christmas cactus as well as any red flower. The orchid signifies thoughtfulness and charm. Holly and the Poinsettia are two Christmas related flowers that are always used for decorating and as a result are readily available and a great gift for your girlfriend. A Christmas cactus is also a good idea and is a flowering cactus that generally blooms around Christmas time, although it can bloom at any time of year. Christmas brings happiness and joy to every family. For moms and dads, it's the Christmas trees that call their children back to home. For kids, it's the Christmas wreaths that hang on their doors to tell the worlds that they are growing bigger. For lovers, it's always Christmas flowers and Christmas flower arrangements to show the freshness, beauty and elegance of their feelings.

How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship

by: Dr Brenda Shoshanna

Copyright 2005 Brenda Shoshanna For some couples fighting is the fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past. What People Get Out of Fighting It is important to understand why couples keep fighting. For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren’t really over, and sparks still fly between them. Fighting can keep these couples bonded, causing them to think about each other a great deal. Some love power struggles. They love winning and feeling power over the other. This makes them feel strong. Fighting can easily become a habit, something individuals fall into automatically and instinctively. Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication. Rather than addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck. "Without a good fight, a relationship is over,” says Mary, a twenty six year old administrative assistant. “The lights have gone off between us. It’s a sign my partner no longer cares.” Mary, who was recently divorced and is now in another choppy relationship feels that eventually she’ll marry a man with whom she can fight - and survive the storms. “ I respect a guy who I can fight with, who can take me as I am.” For Mary being angry, fighting and winning has became her identity. Without it, she no longer knows who she truly is. She does not see price she is paying for this kind of relationship or what toll it takes on all concerned. Unfortunately, the anger many individuals live with on a daily basis can become crystallized into their identity. Needless to say, this blocks out much of the happiness, flexibility, communication and intimacy they desire. “I’m not letting her walk all over me,” Roger would balk whenever his ex wife expressed her needs to him now, or brought up any issue. Rather than listening to what she had to say, he immediately took it as criticism. “She’s trying to tell me I’m inadequate,” he would declare. The war was on. What started as a conversation, turned into a power struggle. From Roger’s point of view, his very manhood was at stake. However, as long as any of us hold onto our anger and continue fighting, there is no hope of working the problems through. Roger could not pause and realize that his partner’s needs and feelings had nothing to do with him. He was determined to take whatever she said or did personally and keep feeling badly about himself. However, it’s impossible not to receive the fruits of what you have put forth. “As you sow, so shall you reap,” is an immutable law of living. Although we may justify all kinds of behavior it is absolutely inevitable that we alll experience the consequences of our thoughts, actions and deeds. There are many steps involved in letting go of anger. The very first is to realize that anger is a toxin. It is not a source of strength or power, but can become an addiction, something that hinders our well being and stops our life from going forward. There are definite steps we can take to undo anger. Here are a few one can take to begin. They are taken from The Anger Diet which offers one step a day for thirty days. These following guidelines are simple, but powerful. Why not try them today and see. Putting An End To The War 1)Stop Blaming – While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind. 2)Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today? 3) Choose To Be Happy Rather Than Right - This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will de-escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible.. 4)Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build a sense of self worth. Treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this. As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives. ------ Melt away toxic feelings with Dr Shoshanna’s new book, The Anger Diet, (30 Days To Stress Free Living.) Psychologist, speaker and relationship expert, Dr Shoshanna has provided the only diet you’ll need – from anger. This diet shows us how to give up one form of anger a day and replace it with a healthy, constructive antidote. Discover how anger camouflages itself, pinpoint the 24 forms of anger, learn what to do when you’re the subject of anger and much more. Dr. Shohsanna is author of many books, including Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Wiley, Zen and the Art of Falling in Love (Simon and Schuster), Save Your Relationship (21 Laws of Successful Relationships), Living By Zen, (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life) Contact Dr Shoshanna at http://www.brendashoshanna.com , or mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com

How to Stop Divorce - Make Everything about Both of You

by: Alex Fir

Whether you consider yourself together or ‘two’- gether, you will both find a wonderfully comforting yet exciting familiarity with each other. Familiarity never truly spawns into contempt, as the saying goes. Relationships that exist without creativity and satisfaction are the kinds that spawn contempt. Doing things together with your spouse doesn’t mean that you become dependent on each other. Dependence is absolutely the worst thing for your relationship and will ultimately lead to an unhealthy co-dependency. Complete independence is not altogether good for a marriage either. If you are so focused on your own independence, you can never be a true couple. Interdependence is what almost all successful couples have been able to achieve and maintain. Interdependence is simply a reciprocal relation between interdependent individuals. It is possible to achieve such a balance in a relationship and it is the best way to have a respectful and successful partnership with your spouse. Start to think about everything you do as an activity or opportunity for the both of you. If you have to go out of town on a business trip, take your spouse with you. While you’re away or even while you’re at home together, take turns reading the newspaper aloud in bed. Make sure you read the funnies to each other and you must use appropriate voices for different characters! Take entire days together to go out and explore new things. Buy a book that lists all of the attractions in yours and surrounding areas. Visit each place that neither one of you has been to before. Go on treasure hunts to places like flea markets, auctions, antique shops, second-hand stores, garage sales, craft sales and church rummage sales. These are great places to pick up gifts for your spouse that you save for a later date. While most people know about ‘his and hers’ items like bathrobes and towels, there are a number of other items that can be enjoyed together as ‘couples’ items. Try getting matching motorcycles along with matching T-shirts. Have matching his and hers overnight bags, coffee mugs, bicycles, cell phones, cars, holiday ornaments, tennis rackets, rocking chairs and even matching carved pumpkins on Halloween. Go shopping together and work on finding something for him and something for her. Go to a bookstore and select a book that you know your spouse will like and have him or her do the same for you. Go to a music store and select a CD you know that your spouse will like and again, have him or her do the same for you. Find other ways to apply this same concept to other specialty stores. At the beginning of each month, sit down together as a couple and review your calendars. Make all of your plans that you will do together before working in all of your other appointments and commitments into your schedule. Your relationship commitments should always come first and be your top priority. Couples who keep their relationship first in their lives have the most enviable relationships. If a marriage cannot be saved, it’s time to consider a divorce. Visit Divorce Help Center for more divorce information. You will also learn about do it yourself divorce.

The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

by: David Steele

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap." The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther, because for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences. Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways: A. they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good as well) B. more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex. So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction — such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants — they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers. No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner. These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong, leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being. But when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility. Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that many of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap. "For gay men especially in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay men want to find out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?" Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing." I do want to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time. Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits. To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals and requirements — while feeling all those exciting sparks!

52 Free Things to Do with Your Partner on Date Night

by: Kim Olver

One of the things that works to keep relationships alive is spending quality time with each other. In this day of the information age, it is becoming increasingly difficult to carve out the necessary time to nurture our relationships. What with long work hours, helping kids with their homework, transporting them around to their extracurricular activities, getting dinner, cleaning up and going through the bedtime routine, what time is left? Unless you orchestrate the time for your relationship, other less important things will crowd in and take what precious little time you do have. Pick a night that will be “date night” with your partner and make a game out of being as creative as you can be. Try to see how many things you can do without spending money. To get you started, I’ve come up with some suggestions to help you for the next year. What follows are 52 ideas for how to spend creative time together without spending money. Feel free to add or modify any of the items on the list to suit your particular relationship and circumstances. WINTER 1. Take a drive to look at the Christmas decorations. 2. Play cards---perhaps strip poker. 3. Watch a movie together. 4. Go outside and have a snowball fight. 5. Get some finger paints and create your own body art with each other as your canvass. 6. Go sleigh riding. 7. Go ice skating. 8. Work out or exercise together. 9. Stage your own improvisation show. 10. Sing to each other. 11. Review or create a photo album or scrapbook of your memories together. 12. Play a board game---perhaps chess, Scrabble or Twister. 13. Go to a book store, get coffee and read for hours. SPRING 14. Work on a remodeling project together. 15. Plan and complete a yard work project together. 16. Do the spring cleaning together---room by room. When done, reward yourself by making love in the room you’ve cleaned. 17. Put on old clothes and mud wrestle after some drenching rain. 18. Give each other a massage. 19. Play catch---football, baseball, softball or Frisbee. 20. Go to a car dealer and test drive the car of your dreams. 21. Shoot basketball together. 22. Dance together. 23. Take a shower together and wash each other---everywhere. 24. Take a free adult education class together. 25. Go to a mall and have a contest to see which one of you can get the most free samples. 26. Go rollerblading or bike riding. SUMMER 27. Build a campfire and roast marshmallows. 28. Go swimming or skinny dipping. 29. Give each other a manicure or pedicure. 30. Go somewhere crowded to people watch. 31. Go to a free outdoor event, perhaps a concert. 32. Lie on a blanket outside and watch the clouds or stars. 33. Go on a picnic. 34. Watch a fireworks display. 35. Be creative and engage in sexual role plays. Be anyone you’d like to be for the night who is also exciting for your partner. 36. Sit by the water somewhere. 37. Do a prolonged strip tease for each other. 38. Have a water balloon fight. 39. Sit outside and read poetry to each other. FALL 40. Go for a drive together. 41. Go window shopping. 42. Incorporate food into your love making---chocolate syrup, whipped cream, fondue, strawberries---anything you and your partner enjoy. 43. Call or write to someone you haven’t had contact with in a while. 44. Cook something together. 45. Spend an evening just talking with each other. Talk about the things you have done, plans you have for the future, important people in your lives or current events. 46. Take a bubble bath together. 47. Go to a free movie or museum. 48. Take a drive and find the potential in old houses and their properties. 49. Create an imaginary story together---either orally or in written form. 50. Take turns being each other’s genie in a bottle by fulfilling your partner’s every wish and fantasy. 51. Play in the fallen leaves. 52. Create an exciting scavenger hunt that ends in your bed. Now you have 52 suggestions for things to do with your partner for every week of the year divided by season. Certainly you don’t have to follow my suggestions. Feel free to add your own or to repeat your favorites as often as you’d like. The main point is not to see how kinky you can get. The idea is to keep your relationship alive by making time together a priority. It is important that you find things to do as a couple that you can both enjoy. If you have vastly different interests then you can enter this with the spirit of taking turns and each agree to happily participate in the activity chosen by the one whose turn it is that week. As long as you make a habit of making your relationship a priority and allocating time each week for rejuvenation of the feelings that attracted you in the first place, then you stand a good chance of staying together for the long haul. Please don’t let insidious boredom enter into your relationship through the back door. This is what frequently happens when we are busy placing other things ahead of our time for each other. You know what I mean---the job, the kids, our friend in crisis, etc. There will always be a competing interest for the time you’ve set aside for each other. Other than natural disasters, threat of death or major crises, do not allow your time together to be invaded by any outside forces. Make sure to create opportunities for you to do things together without outside influence. With more than 50% of today’s marriages ending in divorce, make this small investment in the longevity of your relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. What’s stopping you? Start today.

Sexual Attraction - Addiction or Intimacy?

by: Margaret Paul

Sexual Attraction - Addiction or Intimacy? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Megan asked the following questions in one of our phone sessions: "Over and over, when I'm really attracted to a man and I sleep with him fairly early in the relationship, I discover that he is not good husband material. What am I doing wrong? Am I just attracted to the wrong kind of men?" This is a frequent question from my single women clients. "Megan, many men know how to project sexual energy in a way that arouses women. These men define their worth by their sexuality and by their ability to attract woman. They know just how to sexually ignite a woman - it's an energy that they are putting out that goes right into your genitals and makes you think that something real and important is happening. But they are operating from a sexual addiction rather than from caring or intimacy." "So what should I be doing when I feel that powerful sexual attraction?" "You need to be telling yourself that this feeling doesn't mean anything – that it's just an energy that is being projected onto you but has nothing to do with love, intimacy, caring, or marriage. Real, long-lasting relationships take time to evolve. If you feel sexual upon first meeting someone, there is a good possibility that this man just wants a sexual encounter with you rather than a real relationship with you. My suggestion to you is to not have sex early in a relationship, even if you are very attracted." "Well, when do you have sex?" "When you feel emotionally intimate. When you trust each other and really care about each other's wellbeing. When you know that the feelings are not just sexual, and that the sexuality is coming from the emotional intimacy rather than from a sexual addiction. Why not wait until there is a commitment to the relationship and to learning and growing with each other? How often have you slept with a man that you were really attracted to and then had the relationship not work out?" "More often than I'm willing to admit. This is what keeps happening. So are you saying that I should also go out with men that I'm not immediately attracted to?" "Yes, if you like them. Often, sexual attraction grows as you really get to know a person. Many of my clients with the best relationships are people who were not immediately attracted to each other. The attraction grew as they fell in love with each other. Others, who were attracted immediately, lost their attraction as they got to know the person. "Many men can have sex and then just move on without any inner turmoil. Yet many women feel connected to a man when they have sex with him and then feel awful when the relationship doesn't work out. It is unloving to yourself to sleep with a man early in the relationship and then run the risk of being dumped because all he wanted was sex. "Another factor is that sex without emotional intimacy is often disappointing for both people. When you have sex too early in a relationship, it might not be emotionally or physically satisfying. When sex is not an expression of love, it often feels empty, and then the guy might decide that you are not the right person for him because there were no fireworks. Yet if you had waited for love to develop, it might have been wonderful. You really have nothing to lose by waiting." "But," replied Megan, "I always think that a man won't like me if I don't have sex with him." "Well, if you doesn't like you for not having sex with him, what does this tell you about him?" "I guess it tells me that he is not good husband material." "Right! So you have nothing to lose by not having sex right away." "Okay, I see that now. I see that what I've been doing is never going to lead to marriage. I'm going to put sex on the back burner and pay more attention to caring and intimacy." Megan completely changed her pattern with men and within a year she was engaged to be married. About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.